Make It Stop

[author_abz]

So, I'm curious. (Well, not really.) If you feel empathy for someone about something that you know sucks for them - AND something that you're not 100% sure they're feeling awful and heartbroken over (you just know his parents were talking to the person in charge about it with grave faces) ... is that a bad thing? Or does that just mean that you completely have it bad for them? Or does it mean that you're just a very sensitive person who's in a depressed patch anyway and feeling the proper empathy a thousand times over? :( I don't know.... But I do know that I'm sick of feeling like this. I mean - I love Frodo, I've sent him an anonymous red carnation too - I love him through the times where he's an asshole, when he's hurt, and when he doesn't care. Then, I just turn around or look at him again and he's breaking my heart without knowing that he is. I see him acting completely retarded with his girlfriend and I don't see any chemistry there between them, which almost makes it worse to see them together. Then, when I snoop one day I find that he's left my Christmas gift (the same that I gave EVERYONE else) in the locker that I gave it to him in. Sure, it's unwrapped and maybe ONE cookie is gone... but I dunno. Why does it have to hurt so bad? I'm just sick of it all..... but I'm addicted, and I can't make myself stop loving, or caring, all I can do is feel numb. Jeez, it's even like the Phil Collins song that I love so much - except much less happy. "Because I can't - stop loving you...."


I think there's something wrong with me. :( My heart's been broken into a thousand little pieces by lots of different people.... and it'll never be whole. I need to sleep.